You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
