that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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