i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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