What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
