i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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