Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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