Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
