Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
i need some magic done to my vagina
I have fence marks all over my body
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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