They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
