apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I will be naked everywhere
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
