all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
