the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
