This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
