Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
