my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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