You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
