Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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