Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize
