fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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