i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
