Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
It's shark week go big or go home
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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