Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
