He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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