Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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