I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
