it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
