I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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