your parents love me but you hate me
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
