i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Randomize
