I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
