apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Randomize
