I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
tell me about the fingering
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