I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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