Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
