Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
you inspire me to be a worse person
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
