We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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