look no pants
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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