I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
