I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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