she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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