dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
How does one acquire holy water?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
