I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
