god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
