No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
