If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
