Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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