I showed him my bush... on skype.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
