Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
