He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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