do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
