last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
