I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
