I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
