go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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