So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
