Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
