Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
