3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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